Ever try to hard to be perfect, so much that you forget what it is like to be a person? I think I've quoted this before in a previous journal, but its something that has been running through my head to the point of utter exhaustion. So why then does it matter to think about? What really matters? What is the point? To be happy.. Yes. The meaning of life, is to laugh. because in the presence of laughter there is nothing else but a sore stomach, and a few tears to your eyes. But I think its safe to say, that laughter is the only perfect emotion. The only emotion that wont make you impulsive, or confused, or feel like your heart is about to explode. Its the only emotion that really isn't that sad, and it isn't angry, or imaginary. Its just laughing.. And as long as you aren't laughing at anothers misfortune in reality like an old lady slipping on ice, its perfectly convenient.
So who cares right? What is the meaning of life? It varies depending on personality, that much we know.What was my divine starting point to this journal? To be precise? Never. i'm never quick and to the point, but we try so hard to be perfect that we loose our original eye color to the ways of fashion. our own faces become someone else's design. Our worries and fears disappear with man made technology we've developed for alter reasons of our ego's.
Who's to blame? I feel like sometime's I've been put in a box. And I grasp around for a right answer, and each time I get a solution I think is right, and act upon it, I'm grabbing nothing but the finest of sand. Sand.. Something that slips through even the fattest of fingers, and falls through even the tightest of grips. So what is the point of looking for a solution. Waiting for time to complete whatever decision we probably should be thinking about is sometimes relaxing. BUt then you miss out on things you could have enjoyed on making such a decision. Like my father, and waiting on life to sort out his problems with my brother and him. The way they never talk. Everything comes in its own perfect time, and he thinks his relationship will suddenly prosper if he goes to work, never comes home, and flirts with his on the side girlfriend every chance he gets. So what if he's leading on his wife when he comes home and pathetically admits he was wrong, only to leave again. How more pathetic to the one that believes him.
So I see through all his crap, and then my step mother, gets mad at me. When they break up she can prebeg me not to say 'i told you so' because I've done it twice or three times before.. But when he comes back, she expects me to be happy. "aren't you happy he's home? can't you just be grateful?" Grateful for what. That a deceiving man just came home to manipulate us because he has nowhere to go, and has no urge to fuel truth in his life? Yeah, I'll be grateful. Grateful I'm not married to him.
So I've never been aloud to own a house key ever for the house, cause my step mother keeps taking it. Saying Ill never have full access to the house even though she wants me to move back. So she gets mad at me cause I wont jump when she says jump sky high and punishes a to be 19 year old by saying I can't come home to see my father. A lot of this is a repeat of the sudden shock to my system that things really aren't going so well at home in family life.
Family 101: looking out for another
We've always been a one for all all for one? no. how about, all for ourselves, and backstab as long as you can take in a few slaps to the face. Go with the flow.
Another thing. How is it that people can think me an idiot. Discussions and debates are supposed to be an opinionated discussion about an issue, and I ended up getting insulted by my mother and brother because I dont agree with people making fun of situations where there are thousands of deaths occuring. "well sometimes you need to laugh," yeah.. while another bomb goes off.. This making fun of bombing iraq and iran, would be funny.. if it wasn't actually going on in REAL LIFE! IT'd be funny if it was a Shakespere play where he made it up, and it was pathetic irony that could relate to life. But when talk shows and hosts, are making fun of things actually happening?! Where is the humanity!?

Sincerely,
Kendra-Dawn